The Funk

Its hard to believe Christmas is over.  It seemed like I blinked and December was gone.  Saturday, I packed away the trees and decorations.

The year we married, I started a tradition of purchasing one Hallmark ornament for each of us.  Four family members and 19 Christmases later, I now have enough to decorate an entire tree. Each ornament tells a story in our family.  There's "Our First Christmas" to celebrate the beginning of our family.  A silver tiara represents my "princess."  A red cardinal adorns the tree in memory of mine and Troy's grandmothers who loved red birds.  A little orange striped kitty is for the fluffy little pet who I claimed as my baby for 17 years, and an RV reminds me of the best family vacation we took.

I smiled as I carefully wrapped each and placed it in the box.

I have to admit I could use a "do over" for Christmas this year.  I spent December in a funk.  Friends around me were battling for their lives with health issues.  One was taken way too soon and very unexpectedly.  I was wallowing in the self pity of putting off graduation because I didn't get my master's thesis finished.  And I was worried about myself...the battle of the mystery neurological issue continues with new symptoms and yet perfect test results (praise the Lord!) rages on.

Saturday, as I was packing away my Hallmark ornaments, I caught myself smiling at each, and remembering the awesome opportunities God has given me during in my life

Admitting I have a chronic disease is hard.  Getting past the fear of the unknown future is even harder.  I've been guilty lately of letting myself get caught up in the fear.  Shame on me.

Sometimes we get so worried about the future we forget to LIVE in the present.  Standing there in my living room, I had to ask forgiveness for taking so many things for granted.  We should never be caught going through the motions of life and forgetting the very reason why we are there in the first place.

I found this great verse the same day.  No matter what the future holds, he is mine forever...and I am his.  There is no sickness or hardship that can take that away from me.  He's there, through every moment, with a plan and a purpose for my life.  I need not worry over the details.

Friends, don't be guilty of letting the weight of the world keep you from enjoying the things you have right now, right this minute, for such a time as this.  Memories are to be MADE and cherished.

Heavenly father, forgive me for taking for granted the beautiful things you give me each day.  Forgive my inability to let go of the what ifs keep me paralyzed with fear.  Help me to embrace the new year with joy over the present and anticipation of the good things you have in store for me.  Amen.

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