So he said to me, "This is the word of the LORD to Zerubbabel: 'Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit,' says the LORD Almighty.
I crave expectations and goals, and I get a high when I can check one off the list. Not too long ago, I completed four months of work to create a beautiful list and portfolio of projects in anticipation of a deadline. The timeline should have allowed all projects to be wrapped up in a neat bow...but one thing after another stalled progress. In spite of my greatest efforts I left one project dangling. I simply could not make it happen no matter how hard I tried. My expectation of praise for the volume accomplished was quickly replaced with the words, "I'm disappointed." My spirit was crushed, but I had to hold my head high and know that even though my best was not sufficient, I had given my all.
I left the meeting, sat down at my desk, and my eyes met with a scripture taped on the wall...Zechariah 4:6.
2014 has been the year of the release of control. This is just one situation of many where God has put me in a position to realize the superwoman I crave to be can only be that way if it is in his will and through his spirit. I've long struggled with the "I can fix it myself," attitude. I've felt the conviction about this for quite sometime.
Walking the dog not too long ago, I looked at her tiny body. While she was walking along beside me, she had the leash held firmly between her teeth. Even when we are trying to let God lead, we still want some control.
Letting go of my control has meant learning to accept disappointments because sometimes they bring along better things.
Letting go of my control has meant taking life one day at a time while doctors play trial and error to fix a debilitating illness (with much success I might add). It was not my strength but his that kept me rocking as a mom, working a full time job and keeping a 4.0 in grad school. Looking back, I can't tell you how I made it through.
Letting go of my control is trying to guide a friend in setting her life on the right path, praying each day I am getting through, yet knowing in the end she makes her own choices. The stories I could tell about how prayers for wisdom or the time to share it have amazingly yielded the right words or the right time to share them.
Letting go of my control is watching my daughter growing up and having to trust her to be the Godly young lady we raised her to be.
Letting go meant learning to say "no" to several things I wanted to do because God had other plans for me.
Letting go of my control is learning to have peace during the scariest week of my entire life, waiting on test results that should have had some pretty grim results. Praise God for the miracle he gave!
Not by my might nor by my power, but by his spirit. Letting go has shown me prayer is my greatest weapon we have in this world, and when I stop, take my hands off of the situation and let him work, the results are so much better that I could ever expect.
Father, I thank you for a year of lessons and the amazing outcomes. Remind me when I grab hold of the leash that you are in control and to stop and listen instead of fighting to make things happen. I pray 2015 will be filled with more delightful revelations of how your hand gives the perfect result. Amen.