Sunday, June 14, 2015

Confessions of a Super Woman Want to Be

No matter how strong you think your faith is, Satan will always attack you.  He knows exactly where your weak spots are, and he aims straight for the heart. 

I've been trying to find the words to share with you just what has been going on behind the scenes of my usually tough Super woman front.  Can I make a confession to you?  I've been shaking in my boots. 

This morning our choir sang an amazing Chris Tomlin song, the one that has been played over and over in my car trying to keep a straight face during a tough time.  As the words poured out of my heart, the memories of singing them over and over the past several weeks on the way to work, on many long, lonely trips to the doctor poured through my mind. 

I was diagnosed with a suspicious spot on my left ovary in mid March.  Along with the diagnosis came more tests and a waiting game.  Surgery was scheduled, and the ovary biopsied.  Then more waiting to see what my fate would be.

During those long weeks, Satan attacked hard.  I was absolutely paralyzed with fear.  Not simply scared, but paralyzed.  There was the unknown about cancer, and there was also the unknown about how my body would react to surgery and the after effects for another health condition I have. There was a real possibility surgery and changing up hormone levels could cause a relapse for the vestibular issues we had worked so hard to get under control. I thought about the what ifs that could come if I got a bad report.  I could not seem to get past the fear, and it affected every area of my life.  I lost sleep, I cried, I obsessed.  No matter how hard I prayed, I just could not seem to get past it.

God has been amazing.  Every need has been met with results above and beyond my expectations...except Super woman just isn't bouncing back as fast as she wants.  I praise him in awe for what he has done, and I am so thankful for the incredible network of prayer warriors who have supported me along the way.

As elated as I am for great results, that is not what this post is about.  It's about that attack of Satan.  Lies...the ones he whispers.  The more he whispers, the deeper he gets in your head.  If you keep listening, he will eat at you like a vicious starving stray animal.  No matter how strong your faith is, sometimes he finds a way to get inside your head with the infamous words, "What if..." or "You can't."

2 Timothy 1:7 
For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

I can't tell you how many times I have repeated this verse.  Even if things had not turned out as the best case scenario they have, I know my God is big enough to take care of every need.  I know there is no room for fear, because he has already planned and prepared my path for whatever things come my way.  Somehow during this time in my life, I let Satan's lies scream louder than the truth I know in my heart, and I'm ashamed of that.

In our Christian walk, we won't be perfect.  We will have times where we don't live up to our calling.  We have times where we let Satan have the best of us.  During those times I am thankful for God's never ending supply of grace and mercy.

Friends, we will face trials.  Let us not forget power and love and victory will always win over fear. 

 "Whom Shall I Fear (God Of Angel Armies)"


You hear me when I call
You are my morning song
Though darkness fills the night
It cannot hide the light

Whom shall I fear

You crush the enemy
Underneath my feet
You are my sword and shield
Though troubles linger still

Whom shall I fear

I know who goes before me
I know who stands behind
The God of angel armies
Is always by my side

The one who reigns forever
He is a friend of mine
The God of angel armies
Is always by my side

My strength is in Your name
For You alone can save
You will deliver me
Yours is the victory

Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear

I know who goes before me
I know who stands behind
The God of angel armies
Is always by my side

The one who reigns forever
He is a friend of mine
The God of angel armies
Is always by my side

And nothing formed against me shall stand
You hold the whole world in Your hands
I'm holding on to Your promises

You are faithful
You are faithful

And nothing formed against me shall stand
You hold the whole world in Your hands
I'm holding on to Your promises

You are faithful
You are faithful
You are faithful

I know who goes before me
I know who stands behind
The God of angel armies
Is always by my side

The one who reigns forever
He is a friend of mine
The God of angel armies
Is always by my side

I know who goes before me
I know who stands behind
The God of angel armies
Is always by my side

The one who reigns forever
He is a friend of mine
The God of angel armies
Is always by my side

The God of angel armies
Is always by my side