I'm usually an encourager. I started this blog to share my encouraging lessons with others. Let me just be real and tell you something. The words penned in this blog have been very far between lately because I've been fighting a pretty big battle behind the scenes. Its been hard to sit down and write an encouraging word when you are struggling to stay afloat yourself.
I haven't kept it a secret my health has been an up an down battle for the past couple of years. After this last surgery, I went on a run of headaches that lasted in the range of 50+ days before getting them under control. I was totally worn down, physically and mentally. I shared in my last blog it was one of my worst fears that this surgery would flare up the vestibular migraines we had worked so hard to control, and when it happened and in an even worse way than I could have imagined, I really got discouraged about it. I not only felt miserable, I was scared to death. Once again I was living in the realm of "what if this is life will look like from now on?"
Fear is a small four letter word that can get really big if we let it. I know we all have had that battle that we have let overtake our life. For some its going off to college and not knowing anyone there. For others, its losing a job and not knowing what to do next.
After going up and down with my health for the past two years, FEAR has become my rather large four letter word. That's why I couldn't write. FEAR. Even though I put on my smile each morning with my clothes and went on in to work with my pounding, spinning head and aching heart, FEAR was ripping me apart.
A little over two weeks ago, face down on the floor in a prayer or desperation, God let me back to this beautiful verse in Jeremiah 33. Call unto me, and I will answer you and teach you great and unsearchable things you do not know. A calming peace fell over my heart in place of the FEAR. Once again I was reminded my future is not in my hands, but his. No matter what that future holds, he has a productive plan all laid out for me.
How will I know his plan? Prayer. By calling on him. Indeed, calling on him had brought amazing peace. As the focus moved upward instead of inward, I began to see the great and mighty things he was already putting into place in my life that I would have never dreamed to be possible. They are crazy little things that might not mean that much if I told you about them...but to me they are a huge deal.
I don't have to have all the answers. I don't have to have the assurance I will be in a physical place I am today, who knows, I may be even better. One thing I know for sure is that when I let go of FEAR and PRAY and SEEK, he shows me the beautiful miracles that he places before me each and every day. Life becomes one not littered by worry and sorrow over things I wish I could have done or wish I had, but a life of joy filled and full of wonder.
Thank you God for that great attitude check in Jeremiah 33:3.
God, no matter what challenges you place in our path, help us always to realize you have planned our lives from beginning to end You know our every move even before we make it. Help us to see the joy in this world and look past the fear that so often hinders and occasionally overtakes our lives. Amen.